Sitting on my computer
Doing nothing in particular
Trying to block out
My noisy mind
The buzzing
buzzing
The pounding
pounding
My mind won't let me forget
As it flashes through everything
Memories of things I've done
Memories of who I was
It just won't let go
Of who I was
Over 2 years before
I changed
I've repented
Of what I knew about
2 years for 2 years
I've paid.
I've been forgiven
HE doesn't hold it against me
I thought I forgave myself
It just won't leave
I'm not who I was
I've changed
I'm different
I'm new
I would never
Not in a million years
Not for millions of dollars
Repeat that past
Those same mistakes
From when I was so young
So naive
So clueless
I had no idea
Of what I was putting myself through
I had no idea
Of the damage I was doing
I keep reminding myself
I'm not who I was
As more awful memories
Come pushing forward
I wish I knew why
My mind is doing this
It makes me feel awful
Ugly and low
Like all of the progress
I've made
Doesn't really matter
In the end
I know that's not true
Its so hard to fight it
I'm so drained from it
I want it to go away
Must I fight these demons?
Can't they just go away?
Is it the Adversary attacking?
Or something I must do?
Is there a lesson?
Something I must learn?
Is there a purpose to these?
Other than to torture?
I can't shove them away
Pretend they aren't there
The memories shove in front
Making me remember
I don't know what to do
These words came to me
To put in a poem
So that's what I'm up to
Hoping it offers relief
Of some sort
Any sort
In case its a prompting
I'm going to pray
See if these can go away
Find out what to do
So they don't stay
The last thing I need
On top of everything
Is to be filled with these
Haunting memories.
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