Conflicted - 8/12/13

I don't want to leave
I don't want to go
I have to
I need to
I don't want to

I want to stay here
I want to stay put
I can't
I won't
I want to

Staying in this pew
Staying in this meeting
Staying in this building
Is where I should be
I can't

I feel awkward
I feel cold
I feel like I don't belong
In this ward
I do

Work is calling me
I have to leave
I need to leave
I can't be late
I must go

Taking part of the sacrament
Is almost through
I need to leave for work soon
Sat in the back
Preparing

Its never been this hard before
To get up and
Walk out that door
Different reasons the
Other times

I feel pulled to stay
This is where I should be
I feel pulled to go
There is where I have to be
I'm being pulled in two

My heart aches
Wipe tears from my face
As I get in my car
Buckle in
Turn it on

Driving on the freeway
I feel like screaming
I feel like I disobeyed
I feel like turning around
Going back

I feel the Spirit come over me
Trying to comfort
Trying to calm
Trying to soothe my heart
I need to let Him in

Tells me I did as prompted
I talked to my boss
About going to church first
Before working
If I must work Sundays

She was nice
Let me go to church first
Now I need to
Follow up on my end
I have to

Tells me He gave me this job
It will be hard
It will be challenging
It may not seem fair
I won't always have to work Sundays

Pulling into the parking lot
I do my best
To pull myself together
Determined to give it my all
Despite this

I know He'll be with me
I know He'll be near
I know He can always hear
When I am joyous and
When I am conflicted.